|
Dr. Grier blogs about Narcissism and other current topics.>
The Psychology of Infidelity
December 8, 2009
Infidelity. Tiger Woods has brought the subject to the fore once again.
First President Clinton. Then John Edwards. Eliot Spitzer. And now Tiger Woods. There are many other unfortunate examples that we could add to this list, but you get the idea. Rich, powerful, famous men who are unfaithful to their wives.
There have been women, too, in this category, but it is the men who have dominated the news.
What is the reason for infidelity? Is it that people who are rich and powerful and famous believe “the rules” that apply to ordinary people do not apply to them?
Or is it as a pair of my colleagues at work suggested? That we will never understand the pressures that the rich and famous find themselves under when it comes to the opposite sex?
Or is it as a radio pundit put it when he heard about Tiger Woods? “You are famous when you are young, and you are told how great you are while growing up. When you finally get married, your wife knows your faults and does not cater to your ego like women used to before you were married.”
Or is it what Masters and Johnson, the famous sex researchers, said about infidelity? That “it is a sign of immaturity”.
I claim there is an element of narcissism involved. How else could Tiger Woods associate with groupies, porn stars, strippers and gullible young girls while failing to consider the humiliating impact on his wife and family when his infidelity would eventually explode onto the national scene? Did he truly believe he could keep his flings forever from the public eye? Were the experiences of the Clintons and the Edwards and the Spitzers an insufficient deterrent? Was he comforted that David Letterman was still in the limelight despite his peccant activities?
I suspect that Masters and Johnson had it mostly right.
Casual infidelity as practiced by Tiger Woods is about immaturity. The inability to make a true commitment. The inability to love someone as much as he loves himself.
The Biblical mandate is that a man will leave his parents and cleave to his wife. That the two will become “one”. The marital union becomes most obvious with the birth of a child who shares its genetic makeup with its parents. But becoming one is not just physical.
It is also emotional.
A couple is supposed to become one in all aspects of their relationship: beliefs; convictions; interests; priorities; family; time; victories; defeats; and above all in the sharing of the most intimate details of their lives: dreams, desires, aspirations, secrets and future. A woman is to respect her husband. A man is to love his wife. A man’s behavior earns his wife’s respect. A woman’s devotion earns her husband’s love.
My marital vow included these ominous words: ‘til death do us part. Almost thirty-six years later, they still ring true despite the ups and downs of life.
***************************************
Where was Tiger in his marriage?
Where is his wife?
For now there is separation. That is healthy. A time to gain perspective.
Let’s hope for a happy ending. Repentance. Forgiveness. Reunion. Counseling. Growing up. Together again and raising their children.
And finally, with a renewed and humble spirit back to the game that Tiger loves.
|
|
|
